it's safe to say that i am a fan of writing, but it's equally safe to say that i have not worked up to writing every day. which you may have noticed. if you are reading. at all. i am sitting in my living room with one of my best friends in the world. she is talking to her boyfriend, who is working in a hostel...in serbia. if you have ever been in a long-distance relationship, which i have, it doesn't matter the mileage. you could be 4 hours or 4,000 miles and if you can't see that person, it might as well be the moon. so you wake up at weird times to talk, or use up a lot of a paycheck driving to see them, or send them crazy packages with random stuff from the dollar aisle at target. you know the one. and it's bad enough as it is, but then there's the whole feeling like you're walking around with no arm thing. a part of you is missing, and you have the phantom pains to prove it. i have another old friend who used to say "proximity, proximity, proximity." she believed that just being close to a person had a lot to do with the feelings that developed. that has been true in my life, but that was (obviously) not what lasted. i experienced the "foxhole syndrome", as my dad calls it, quite a few times. it was always painful and sometimes disastrous, when it would come to an end. when the other person realized they needed...something else. something that was not me. someone that was not me. not that i am complaining now. since we all know that life is only understood backwards, i take what wisdom i can from those fated failures and try not to take ANYTHING else. anything else is just baggage.
jamie is far away from her loved one and i have mine right here, so i am going to take advantage of what i've got going for me. i think i'll stop writing now. say goodnight and go.
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