i am on a street, i walk

things lately have been about the past, and forgiveness, and using what you've learned to love forward. i meant to write "move" there but typed "love" instead. it's probably what i really meant anyway. i watched "it might get loud" last night and realized how much musical knowledge i have lost since graduating college. i was totally immersed in music for years and years. from age 7 to age 24. since then, what have i been immersed in? coffee. and we all know it's possible to drown in that. it's so simple to get back into music. but it's really really hard. i have to make choices. i usually prefer to just ride the ebb and flow of the things naturally progressing around me. well, it's been 4 years. it's time to fight the tide.

hearing the white stripes last night reminded me of listening to their music in my apartment in mckenzie. i would come home from work and lie down on the sofa. i would let the sounds bounce around in that mostly empty, wooden room. someday i want a home that has a room like that. with impossibly tall windows and floors that gleam in sunlight and not much furniture at all. i want all that combined with what i have now. the ability to make wherever i am my home. back then all i did was stay in that apartment. i never felt like i was really home, except for those quiet moments where i was alone with the music and the cat.
someday i will have a house, and when i do, i want wood floors and impossibly tall windows like the apartment in mckenzie. i want decorative touches and good smells like my college apartment in cookeville (thanks heather and jamie). i want creativity and spirit to flow freely like it did in erin's house when i was her quasi-roommate. i would say it was during a time i needed that most, but when do we NOT need creativity and spirit (and erin for that matter!)? most important to my home are 2 i can never replace. bradley.
and maddox. :)
i guess i'm closer to my home than i thought. and right now there's a piano in my room that i should play more, and a voice God gave me that i should use more. so i'll fight the tide of coffee i'm riding, not to go back to where i was, but to find a new place, further in the future. to where i can see the line between contentment and ambition more clearly, and figure out how to walk it.