this afternoon i woke up and my hair parted on the opposite side of normal. i got my computer and fought the battle to get it to start up, connect to the internet, and open a browser so i can see my everyday things. e-mail, twitter, facebook, blogger, jesusneedsnewpr.net, and stereomood.com. my cat, maddox, and my kitten, ellie, came in to greet me and promptly left when i laid out the yoga mat and got in child's pose. my room is trashy. i need to clean it. but i just cut my fingernails yesterday so they are in prime typing condition. plus, i haven't blogged in forever. i am without a job. can you tell? i woke up at 11:30am. i went to bed last night around 3:30am. i went and saw the midnight showing of "inception", which is all about dreams and ideas and trampling around in someone else's mind without them really knowing it. i used to say that there is beauty in reality. that's because i spent so much of my waking life living in a dream world, a mix of the past and fantasy of how it could have or should have been. these days i live almost completely in the real world. no dreams or fantasies seem to really come about. i had someone tell me that they're praying for me to get my dream job. i have no idea what that is anymore. the earliest ambition i had was to be a nurse - and a singer. at the same time i guess. then i think i really wanted to be a mom. then a surgeon. then a veterinarian. then back to a singer. it stayed on singing until i got to college and majored in music. :) you know what i'm talking about. taking tests and having your future depend on your grade can really take the joy out of something you used to love with your whole being. and then the teaching came. and i loathed it. and then i got a job teaching. and i was scared every day. but having that job showed me that i can literally do anything. i went to work and felt like throwing up almost every day. but somehow i did it for 9 months. interesting time period. i gave birth to my own potential. and then i became a barista...and here i am, without a job. can't even sling drinks. i sit in my floor and contemplate all the dreams i've had, and haven't had in years, and i wonder if i'll dream new dreams. i'll start with pretending that this room is my whole house, and it's the only thing i have to clean. i'm just planting a small idea in my head to get myself to clean it up. no harm. what else can i plant in my head? and most importantly, what should take root in my heart?
dream a little dream for me
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