the new love song

i haven't written and i haven't even missed it much. that's the strangest thing. but i think i figured it out.

tv is killing my soul.

seriously, i keep watching hulu like it's a drug and i'm going through grey's anatomy and realizing what a good show it actually is, dispite all the crazy drama. and then there's the office, 30rock, etc. when did tv become so important? i still love going to church and i was sad i didn't get to go this sunday, even though i did go to my mom's ordination service and it was lovely and all the church i needed for that day. but there's just got to be more than church once a week and tv every other night. there's just got to be more.

last night's small group was about chapter 3 in crazylove and it's where the title of the book came from. it's about how much God loves us and asks how much you love God, or if you even do at all. i think i started out loving God because i was taught to, then later because i figured it was the right thing to do, and much later because i realized i actually did. i was 15 i think when i had my first Holy Spirit encounter. i believe i was baptized in the Holy Spirit. i don't know what you believe, but that's what i believe happened to me. and so i was floored, literally, by the presence of God. and i came away from that and went to my church and felt like i knew something no one there did. like i was moses, and i had seen the Burning Bush. how do you explain that?

i have short-term memory loss when it comes to the goodness and power of God, and i am here admitting that i have seen wonder and glory and then lived like a pauper. i am a soul who has a body thats fails me, and i sometimes think it's the other way around. it's NOT. that's the lie. that our bodies ARE us, when in fact they shouldn't even BELONG to us. and this crazy Love, this Love that will not let me go, is what should be governing my body. Love is the Creator of me. a complex being that has free will and thoughts and emotions and relationships. and i want to know and love this Creator. before, i kept thinking that i wanted to go back to how i felt when i was 15, or when i was 25. but behold! Love makes all things new. the old has past and the new has come.

i want to remember all the other Love songs, but i want to write the new one now. i think i just started.