i am ready for brad to be home. i lived too much life while he was gone. i do not begrudge myself the experiences and thoughts and friends and conversations that presented themselves while he was gone. i just wish he had been here. i wish i could find the balance of taking care of him and taking care of me. i do think he keeps me grounded. helps to keep my feet on the ground and my head in order. but sometimes i have to put on the music, let myself slip into the deep melancholy i deny myself so many times. and the elegant thoughts that drift through my head become words on paper, type on screen. and the music becomes a vehicle in which i can drive through my emotions.
i experienced disappointment this week. something i wanted did not come to pass. and i know that one door closes so that you have to go through another door. or even climb through a window, which is harder but makes a much better story. so i will keep going through the familiar door until a window can be opened... or broken.
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