it's better that you know

i promised myself that i would write a 1st wedding anniversary blog, and i waited until the night of my anniversary - just in case i learned anything over the weekend. i think i did. my husband and i had a wonderful weekend in which we watched "new moon", heard mannheim steamroller, stayed at a hotel downtown, went shopping, ate at fulin, spaghetti factory, and sbarro, and generally did whatever we wanted. and after a full year, i can say that i have learned a little. and i know it's only a little. self-awareness is a lesson in itself. here is my short list:
1. sense of humor is key. things are never as bad as they seem. i'm learning not to take myself - and to a lesser degree bradley - as seriously.
2. what i say and what i mean can be two different things to bradley, and vice versa. sometimes fighting just turns out to be clarification.
3. fight, and fight well. i used to hide in the closet - literally - when we would fight. it's better to yell and cry and laugh and hug, then drag it out for hours cowering in the closet.
4. all the stuff in the marriage books is true, but at different times and in different ways for different couples. this is especially true for us women. women are the wild card. men are pretty simple actually.
5. sex is not like movie or tv sex. it is much more. and it is to marriage what drinking water is to your body. make sure it's purified.
6. marriage in its best form is me treating him like God treats me, and him treating me in kind. i can't count on my natural "goodness" to make this marriage work. it has to come from another Source within and without me. sometimes in spite of me.
7. prayer does WONDERS. even if it does not "fix" what i think needs fixing, it puts me into the right perspective and gives me peace.
8. sometimes even my spouse does not know the best thing for me. he is human. the only One who always knows is God. never stop listening to the still, small Voice. it's what got me here.
9. leaving the tv off during supper is good. quality time is essential.
10. sometimes all either of us needs is a hug and "it's gonna be ok. i love you."
and
11. pack his lunch every night. this is my love letter to him.

there are a few things i have known that i was put on this earth to do. being brad's wife is one of them. it is a calling, a thread in the tapestry. and i know in 25 years, i'll know so much more. but i hope i remember all i know now.
love is hard. but it's better than you know.

"I see lovers in the streets walking,
without a care.
They're wearing out loud
like there's something in the air
Oooooh, and i don't care

They're treading lightly
No they, don't sink in
There's no tracks to follow
they don't care where they going
hmm

And if they're lucky and they'll,
they'll get to see and if they're
really really lucky they'll
get to feel..

And it kicks so hard,
it breaks your bones.
Cuts so deep
it hits your soul.
Tears your skin and
makes your blood flow.
It's better that you know,
That love is hard.

Love takes hostages,
gives them pain.
gives someone the power to
hurt you again and again
oooh, but they don't care

And if they're lucky and they'll,
they'll get to see and if they're
really really lucky they'll
they'll get to feel.
And if they're, they're truly blessed
and they're get to believe
and if you're dammed, you'll never
let yourself be diseased.

And it kicks so hard,
it breaks your bones.
Cuts so deep
it hits your soul.
Tears your skin and
makes your blood flow.
It's better that you know,
That love is hard.

If it was easy,
it wouldn't mean nothing tough."

"love is hard" - james morrison