okay, well now that i've been able to let the world (aka facebook) know that i am expecting, i can start blogging about it! i'm not promising to have any new insight into this journey, i just want to document for myself how it all happened. for starters, i am 12 weeks, 1 day today, and my baby is supposedly the size of a plum. since week 6, which was back in july, i have been at least somewhat nauseated. since the end of week 7, i have been throwing up. it's never been more than twice a day, and it's usually when my stomach is empty. so i am keeping my food down, thankfully. it's been very difficult emotionally. there are days where i didn't leave my bed. there are plenty of days i didn't leave my house. honestly, it hasn't been what i expected. it's been depressing. i've felt guilty for not being happy i'm pregnant. i just feel sick. sick and sad.
don't worry, i'm getting to the good part.
yesterday, i felt good for a few hours. i was with my husband, parents, and grandmother, and we were all talking about the baby and the future and maternity clothes and pacifiers, and i felt glad. i felt that sense of destiny that i had dreamed about for so many years. i thought, this is what it's supposed to feel like. i know it won't be easy. i will have a lot of long nights. i love to sleep late, and my days are numbered in that arena. i love my freedom, and above all i love to travel. my mom says that i won't even care about that last one after the baby comes. i find that hard to believe. but then again, she is a mother. i am not fully, not yet. but i am already learning that out of the valley of despair and sickness and loneliness, comes hope and love and destiny. yes i've been sick, but i will lift my eyes up to the hills, where my help comes from. i'm walking out of the valley, up the hill, to see the sun rise. the son rise? the daughter rise?
we'll see.
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